Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Attack of the Killer Runway Models



It's a simple fact, you can't watch TV for any length of time without your brain taking on the consistency of the mush we feed babies these days. Those of average intelligence can only watch so many episodes of "The Hills" and "The OC" before wanting to go out and stab someone, and yet, I know girls that watch these shows religiously.
Take for example, America's Next Top Model. It makes me angry, I can't watch it for more then two seconds without going into an angry tirade.
"Why are they putting themselves through this?"
"Why doesn't someone just punch that girl in the mouth?"
"My God, woman, eat a cheeseburger!"
"Is she wearing a dead animal on her head?"
In my line of work, I make people beautiful. It's what I do. Good skin, good hair, good nails, healthy body, that's beautiful.
Unless you're in that strange, otherworldly dimension that is the modeling world. Then what's beautiful?
I personally think it's all a conspiracy. Models are not actually human, but aliens sent to take over. I formed this theory when I first met two of them in person. They are SO bizarre looking up close. Strange waifish creatures with shadowy dark eyes in their huge pale faces and skinny little bodies. Where did you come from you alien beings?
You say you're touring Japan, but why should I believe you?
I'm convinced they're forming an army underground somewhere. They will lurch into daylight soon, and consume every scrap of food we have on the planet. Then they will go into hibernation and wake up as the most powerful beings on earth!
They are infiltrating society one runway at a time, slipping through the cracks and crevices into everyday life. No one will think anything of it until their pantry is being raided by a dozen murderously ravenous Ambercrombie and Finch models.
Beware the killer runway models! You cannot say I didn't warn you....

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